Bluebirds circle around me twittering; I shake my head a few times and they fly away. Where am I?
For that matter, what am I? I look down and see tan fur, a white tummy and brown paws. I have a fox tail like the one on my costume, only this one’s part of me. I’m a fox; I can only imagine what my face looks like. And I’m a line drawing: a cartoon. Can this get any weirder?
A heavyset cartoon woman with green skin and a wart on her nose appears in a puff of smoke. She’s wearing a blue dress and a black pointy hat. It’s Miss Tyree; I’d laugh if she wasn’t so dangerous.
“Hello, Dearie.”
“What’s going on?”
“You’re in a trap, Vixen. To escape you have to get the bunny. You know which one.”
She leaps in the air, kicks her heels together, and zips away with a cackle and a cloud of hairpins.
I sigh. Get the bunny: this is not going to be easy.
When I spot him he’s skipping through the woods with a basket of carrots. He stops on seeing me.
“What’s up, Fox?”
“Sorry about this, Bugs, but I have to catch you.”
I grab him but end up with a carrot. The fuse is lit.
“What the..?”
BOOM!
My fur is singed black; I give chase anyway.
He jumps into a hole and I follow. It’s dark but big enough to run in. Suddenly I see oncoming lights. Headlights.
POW!
As I lie face-down on the pavement, a line-painter cart runs over me.
I stagger out of the tunnel into Paris. Bloody cartoon geography! I wonder where Bugs has…
BAM!
I’m wrapped in furry arms and kisses.
“Ello, ma petite chere. Where ‘ave I been all your life? Mw-w-mw-mw…”
Huh? Wait, I have black fur and a white stripe down my back. Of course he’s here. I wriggle out of Pepe’s extremely tight grip and bolt. He comes hopping after me on all fours. This is going to be a long day.
…
Half an hour later I’ve been shot, blown up, had anvils dropped on my head, and been distracted by nearly the entire WB cartoon universe. Bugs is looking at me from a safe distance.
“Had enough, kid?”
This is not working. I need a way out of this: a cartoon way. I think back to all my wasted hours as a child… did anyone ever catch Bugs?
YES!
I pull off my head and let my new long ears uncurl. My skin peels away like a leotard, leaving a soft furry bunny body underneath. A very female bunny body.
Claxons blare and Bugs’s heart jumps out of his chest. His eyes go big and his jaw drops. In a second he’s beside me, slicking his ears back.
“So, gorgeous, are you busy after the show?”
I lean in as he puts an arm around my waist. There’s more than one way to catch a wabbit.