My Alien

Confused? The first part of this story is here.

“April showers bring May flowers; at least, that’s what my friend Eddie used to tell me. A few weeks ago I went to see him; we go to movies on Friday nights, you know, so we have someone to go with. A guy and a girl can be friends; it’s not like we’re dating or nothing. When I got to his apartment he didn’t answer the door so I used the spare key he gave me to let myself in.

“I found him lying there all naked with an alien girl on top of him. And I said Eddie you pervert taking advantage of an alien like that! And he said it wasn’t like that and that she’d choked him and stripped him while he was unconscious and I had to help him so she didn’t eat him. As if.

“I stormed out and down to the all-night grocery, where I bought five pounds of bacon. She was in the kitchen as soon as I started cooking it, staring at the oven door like an expectant kid. That’s how you cook lots of bacon, in the oven; it’s done faster and there’s less mess.

“That’s when I really got a good look at her. Face like an owl with those big soulful eyes to die for and the white beak that makes her look mischievous. Six long arms, though she uses two of them as legs, and that milky-white skin that feels like a cross between leather and silk. And two big fingers and a thumb on each hand, strong but surprisingly gentle. God she’s pretty.

“Anyway when the bacon was done the three of us ate it naked, though Eddie was all nervous. She doesn’t like the feel of clothes, which was why she'd taken his off. It’s not like it was for sex; she may have breasts but she doesn’t have a veejay, just one opening that’s a combination butt and… other stuff. And she doesn’t like people touching it.

“After food I got out my phone to take a picture of her and she sent me a text. It just appeared; no phone, no typing, nothing. She couldn’t speak our language or understand our talking, but we could text each other; her written English was perfect. The weird part was using whole words because she couldn’t understand shortcuts like U R hot.

“She stayed at Eddie’s for a week. Eddie had to work but my boss let me book the time off as vacation because I hadn’t taken one yet. I learned a lot about her, so much I’m going to write a book. I even know how her people make out now, even though they’ve only got the one sex.

“About a week later Eddie came home with some guys; he said they would be able to fix everything. They shot her with darts and took her away. Eddie said it was for the best because dangerous aliens shouldn’t be loose in the world. And that, officer, is why I had to murder my ex-friend Eddie.

“I hope you’re not too upset; I’m sure the other police will uncuff you when they get here. Right now I have to go track down my alien. Ciao!