“Hi Jess! Welcome home!”
I whipped back around the corner. The legwork for the Arsenault case was done and the depositions had been delivered to the court. I was beat. The last thing I’d expected was to hear someone call out to me from my own living room.
It was me, or rather someone who looked like me. She was wearing the Versace dress I like for club nights, a stark counterpoint to the Armani suit I’d been wearing to drive the interns. Her hair was pulled back into a tight pony tail with my Gurnani ponette, showing off my favourite Maria Black earrings.
“What’s the deal, girl? Who are you and why are you raiding my closet?”
“Just helping out. Tonight is a night to party!”
“No thanks. It’s going to be me and the hot tub tonight.”
“Well, you, the hot tub and the guy who breaks in and rapes you at gunpoint. I’m your GFA, here to offer you another choice.”
“What are you talking about? What guy? What’s a GFA? I have a security system, you know.”
“The guy who breaks in lives three floors down. He’s been watching you for weeks and he’s inside the perimeter. If you’re in tonight he rapes you.”
“How do you know? Are you working with him?”
“No, I’m working against him. I’m your GFA: Guardian Fallen Angel.”
“I don’t believe in guardian angels.”
“So what? Anyway, I’m not an angel, I’m a fallen angel. I don’t work directly for the Big Guy, I freelance.”
“How do I know you’re not just crazy?”
“Look at your mirror wall.”
I looked; she had no reflection, so if anyone was crazy it was me.
“Okay, assuming you really are an angel, why me?”
“I’ve been contracted to make sure you get pregnant tonight.”
“No way! That is not going to happen!”
“Yes it is. The Big Guy wants you to have a child; I’m here to make sure she’s born. That means no abortions, too. Everyone knows how He feels about abortions.”
“Uh-huh. So what, my kid is the new Christ?”
“Nothing so grandiose. He just needs your daughter for His plan.”
“Why didn’t he send a regular angel?”
“I don’t know! He didn’t tell me why, He just sent me.”
“So what’s your plan?”
“You go out and get stinking drunk, then sleep with the guy I steer at you. He’ll be a good father, I promise.”
“That’s a horrible plan! There has to be another option!”
“Rape?”
“No! Find another way!”
She glowered at me. “Fine! I’m going to have to do it myself. You do realize that’s what got me kicked out of Heaven in the first place.”
“But you’re a…”
“Woman? That’s negotiable.” The dress vanished like smoke on a breeze, then she poofed into a definitely male Adonis in all his unclad glory.
Every smart comeback evaporated at the sight of him. All I could say was, “Wow.”
“Now, you said something about a hot tub?”