2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Demands

“What were you thinking, Moe? Just what exactly got into that fuzzy little head of yours?”

“I was angry, Sir.”

“You were angry? You could have yelled at them for that oversized frat party of theirs, but no! You casually destroyed MY work!”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but they...”

“They were throwing a party, I know. I could hear it from here, all the blasted timbrels and singing. Do you think I couldn’t hear it? I’m not deaf, you know.”

“Yes, Sir, I know, but they were breaking the rules.”

“I know they were breaking the rules, Moe. But you were supposed to read them the riot act, not throw a great temper tantrum and smash the material I gave you!”

“The riot act, Sir?”

“After your time, Moe. Anyway, I took over a month writing that stuff down. Stone tablets aren’t the easiest medium to work in, especially when I had to carve them with my finger.”

“I know, Sir.”

“And yet you destroyed them anyway! And then you... well, heh-heh. I do give you credit for what you did next. Burning the gold cow on their barbeque and making all of them eat it. That was clever; I’m still chuckling from that one.”

“Thank you, Sir. And I really am sorry. I brought two new stone tablets; I promise not to break these ones.”

“You’d better not, Moe. And those idiots had better be grateful, considering all I’ve done for them. Baking manna every day, pulling water out of dry stone, that’s hard work. And never mind about opening a dry path through a major body of water and then drowning all those Egyptians...”

“I know they appreciate that, Sir. After all, it most definitely beats slavery.”

“You’d better be right, Moe. Okay, this time I’m going to dictate and you’re going to carve the rock. Chisel ready? Remember, this is for their own good. Here’s my list of demands. Again. Number One: I am the LORD your GOD...