2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another Collision

Just like I saw it? You’re sure? Okay, whatever you say.

It was last Friday and Phil – Mister Abrogast – had called an emergency meeting at nine a.m. We all busted our butts to get there on time, except for Reg. He’s always late; blames it on traffic. Phil is never late; he’s more accurate than the clock.

Anyway, by ten after neither Philip nor Reg had arrived. Finally the door banged open and Reg burst in. He looked like he’d taken a shower in a blender; his suit was shredded and he was covered in blood and there was this huge gash on his forehead. He said he’d been in an accident but wouldn’t miss this meeting for anything.

He laughed and made that stupid little kissy-face at Janet that he always does, only this time something went glop. A huge clot of blood landed on her blouse. Reg took a napkin from the donut tray and grabbed her breast, trying to clean it up but mostly groping her. She screamed until Marissa and Todd pulled Reg off. Afterward she just sat there covered in blood and whimpering.

Reg sort of totters up to the head of the table and leans over. Another blood-glop fell onto Jason’s binder. Then he looks at us like he was some kind of senior executive.

“I guess you’re all wondering where Phil is. Well, he can verify my story, because he was in the same accident.”

Reg waved his hand and sprayed more drops of blood across the table. Anywhere else would be a great place to be, but we were stuck like the extras in a horror movie.

“It was a big one. Cars went everywhere, with metal flying and fires and stuff. At first I was screaming blue murder at the freak whose car took the top off mine, but then I saw it was Phil! So, being the good employee that I am, I went over to him.”

He slammed his fist down, which made the table shudder. I unconsciously picked up my donut, then dropped it in disgust when I saw the red stains on it.

“Phil’s car was a wreck; he was there with this totally shocked expression on his face. So I looked him in the eye and said ‘Come on Phil! We got to get to the meeting.’ I pulled him out of his car and got him into mine, which was somehow still driveable. Then we came here.”

Todd got the courage to ask him. “Where’s Phil then?”

“Right here.” Then Reg opened his gym bag and took out Phil’s head, which he set on the table with a wet thud. “Okay, Phil, time to start the meeting!”

I guess you know the rest, officer.