Chester and the Time Machine

Emma sat on Chet’s stomach and smiled at him. Chet was clearly enjoying what he saw. He’d picked her up at a bar earlier, after just enough alcohol that he’d likely regret it tomorrow. She was naked, extremely friendly, and happy to listen to all his stories.

“But Chet, aren’t you married? Is your wife out of town?”

“Sort of. She’s time travelling.”

Emma giggled. “What’s that mean?”

“Well, dearest, I met Leanne at a science-fiction convention. About a week after the wedding, when we were in Aruba, she started talking about time machines. So when we got home I built her one.”

“Really? A for real time machine?”

“Sorry, sweetie, they don’t actually exist. I built her a mock-up of one. Just like on the TV show it was a big blue box with flashing lights and stuff. Only she really thought it would travel through time. She was so excited she couldn’t wait to try it out.”

“What happened when she did?”

“I locked the door and had it buried in concrete. They’ll find her in a hundred years or so, assuming they know where to look. I told the police that she ran off with one of her fanboy friends; now the house and everything in it is mine. Yours too, if you’d like.”

“That would be really nice, Chet.” She leaned down and kissed him, then got out of bed and pulled on a robe. A cloud crossed her face. “But Chet, what if she really can time travel?”

“Come on babe, you know as well as I do that that’s impossible.”

The bedroom door opened and another woman walked in. She was dressed in a silver catsuit, exactly the way she had been when she’d walked into the ‘time machine’ three days ago. “Sure Chester; there’s no such thing as time travel.”

“Leanne? How did you…?”

“Did you really think I was stupid enough to go into that with no way out?”

“Darling, it’s wonderful to see you…”

“Put a sock in it, Chester. I heard everything. I knew you were just in it to get the estate. That’s why I sent my little sister to seduce you.” She turned to the girl. “Was he as boring for you as he was for me, Emma?”

“Yeah. I see why you called it artless insemination.”

Chester tried to retreat as the two women cornered him, but there was no place to run. Leanne took his hand.

A brisk morning breeze chilled him to the bone.

“Where did you…?”

“Not where, Chester, when. You see I really do have a time machine. It’s built into this outfit. You can stay on the property as long as you like; you have the whole place to yourself. They should find you in fifty thousand years or so. Assuming they know where to look.”

And she was gone.