2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Part 1. In the Car.

“You know, Eileen, I was a bit smashed last night…”

“No Bill, you were a lot smashed last night. Vodka, whiskey, tequilas. I’m surprised you didn’t spend all morning throwing up.”

“I did. And I don’t really remember…”

“Agreeing to help out at Peter and Nancy’s wedding shower? I can’t wait to see the look on Nancy’s face. She’ll be so surprised. Peter too.”

“But what are we…”

“Trust me, it’ll be great. And now that you’ve agreed, I’m not giving you any chance to back out. That’s why I’m driving.”

“Okay, where are we going?”

“To the hall. That’s where the shower’s going to be. The wedding’s not till tomorrow; tonight is the pre-nuptial party.”

“A party sounds good. What are we doing there?”

“We’re going to jump out of the cake. We’ll dress up like a bride and groom and jump out of a breakaway cake.”

This was your New Year’s resolution?”

“One of them. Thanks a bunch for helping; this will be a night to remember.”

 

Part 2. At the Hall.

“Come on, Bill! We have to get in position before the others get here!”

“I’m almost ready. This fake tux is a nightmare to get into.”

“Do you want me to come in and help you?”

“No, I’m ready. Here, how do I look?”

“Dashing. What about me?”

“Gorgeous. I don’t think Nancy could fill out that dress as well as you do.”

“Why thank you, Bill. Now let’s go cozy up in the cake.”

 

Part 3. Inside the Cake.

“Are you sure they haven’t forgotten us?”

“Don’t worry, Bill. We’re supposed to pop out when they play ‘Wonderful Tonight’.”

“Okay, I guess. I’m just not very comfortable with confined spaces. And pressed up tight against you like this is a little …”

“I can tell, Bill. Does this help?”

“Eileen? Um, not that I object, but is this really the right place?”

“It’s private.”

“But what if they start the song and you have your hand …”

“Shhh. There’s plenty of time before our cue. In fact, if you undo the zip on my dress I’ll stop using my hand…”

“Eileen! It’s going to be hard to get this tux back on in here.”

“Shut up and undress me, Bill. Now!”

 

Part 4. A Short Time Later.

“Bill, are you okay?”

“Uh … uh …”

“Funny the way the cake just sort of fell away like that, isn’t it?”

“Gah …”

“Aren’t the looks on their faces priceless?”

“Ei … Ei …”

“I’m glad you decided to join me in my resolution to shed my inhibitions and get naked in public. It was worth it, Bill. I feel so free and alive!”

“Hnh! Hnh!”

“Just smile and take a bow, Bill. Smile and take a bow. And maybe next year cut down on the drinking at New Year’s.”