State Of The Union

“Good evening ladies, gentlemen, children, and uh, other things. Welcome to the Crossover Room at the Interdimensional HoJo. Tim couldn’t make it here today, so he asked me to…

“Brandon, lower your shotgun; those zombie girls are with Jay. Jack, stop pocketing the silverware; we have to pay for that. And you Iron Man lookalikes… you and the army of killer robots are not going to start a fight. Do I make myself clear?

“Anyway, my name is Wanda and Tim has asked me… no, not you Prompt Story Tim, the real one. He’s asked me to give a brief State of the Union address. It’s been klkh… ahem! Just a moment.

“Ahhhh. These are good muffins. Oh, and special thanks to Emily for bringing the coffee. This isn’t going to turn people into anything strange, is it? Okay.

“What is it, Eric? No, I am ‘masticating’ – it means chewing. I am NOT doing what you said. Some days I wish you were imaginary.

“Anyway, it’s been a busy year. Tim pumped out over a hundred stories last year and as a side effect brought all of us into existence. Okay, yes Kristen, I know you came from 2013; so did Billy. Don’t worry about it.

“It’s been a big year and there’s another big one planned. Tim has promised a 50% increase in story writing, so this room will be even more packed next year. And we may even have some novel characters next year, not just us shorties.

“Tim wanted me to let you know that it’s time for your contract renewals. Just write to him and let him know you’re interested in coming back for a sequel.

“PUT DOWN THOSE CELL PHONES! He said he doesn’t want a repeat of last year where it took him two days to clear his voice mail. You have to send either a paper letter or an e-mail. If you have an idea for a story, include it in your letter. It makes his job easier.

“No, personified distractions, you don’t have to send an e-mail; you’re part of his brain already. The same for you, Prompt Story Tim and, you, girl monster aggressive thing or whatever you are.

“If your current story has a denouement, you can always choose to enjoy your happy ending. I’m especially thinking of you, Matt (and your Lucky Dockers), and Mindy too, though I noticed your ending left a hook for another anime space fling.

“Pat? Tim wanted me to tell you specifically that you’ll be staying on as caretaker of Ferguson House, and if there’s any more haunted mansion stories he’ll be sure to fit you in.

“Smilin’ Pete? You and the gang will be back, too. Tim said to tell you because you’re the brains of the outfit, even though you are just a polished skull.

“Well, that’s the business part of this meeting. Lobos Locos will be playing for you, so let’s give them a warm welcome…