Garfield in Real Life - Infirmary

You are trying to read the morning newspaper when your cat begins pawing at your leg. You brush it away, but it jumps on the table and begins meowing. Finally, the cat speaks. What does she say? Write this scene and what she is trying to tell you.

Writer's Digest Prompt

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“I came as soon as you called. What happened? Did Steve hurt himself again?”

“No, it’s weirder than that. He got us a cat.”

“A cat? Oh, is your building one of the ones with the mouse problem?”

“Exactly. So Steve bought us a cat as a Christmas present. It was nice of him, but he really shouldn’t have. Especially not one like – like – this.”

“What’s wrong with it?” Steve had frequent flyer miles at the infirmary, mostly because he never met a safety precaution he didn’t ignore. He was such a screw-up it didn’t surprise me that he’d somehow managed to find a defective cat.

“Nothing is wrong with me.” The voice came from an orange and black tabby cat sitting on the coffee table in the reception area. It was a female cat – I’m no expert, she just looked female – and was sitting on a newspaper, casually slicing it up with her hindclaws. “I had to let this human girl know that I needed a few tools before getting to work. There is no way I’m letting a mouse have the advantage.”

“That’s what I mean, Tim. As soon as Steve opened the cat carrier it stepped out on its hind legs and started giving orders. Talking! Cat’s don’t talk!”

Annabelle seemed to be barely holding it together. Me, I had no problem. After a full semester of dealing with the magical creatures that hang around my girlfriend Jenny, this wasn’t so bad. I kind of wished Jenny were here to see. Maybe they’d gone to grade school together or something.

“Well, what’s she asking for?”

“I don’t know, I was too busy tending Steve. He fainted as soon as the cat started talking.”

I turned to the cat. “So, kitty…”

“Pussy.”

“Huh?”

“My name is Pussy. Don’t laugh, I didn’t choose it.”

I had to bite my lip, but I didn’t snicker. “Okay, Pussy, what do you need?”

“I need a sword. An epee, to be precise.”

“A sword?”

“I studied up before taking this assignment. The mouse is armed. He has a sword, I need a sword. Otherwise fencing is kind of one-sided. And a hat. A nice cavalier hat with a pink feather. He has a hat, I need a hat.”

I could see where this was going. “Anything else, oh mighty warrior maid?”

“Don’t you patronize me, human. But a nice pair of boots would be appreciated.”

Your Arch Enemy - Masquerade

Everyone has an arch enemy, but until now, you never knew who your enemy was. That all changed one grueling night when, while on vacation, your evening was ruined by your enemy. What’s more peculiar is that your enemy is a famous celebrity! Write about your evening, who your famous arch enemy is and what you did to redeem the night.

Writer's Digest prompt

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The Masquerade Ball is the highlight of the fairyland year, coming as it does on Samhain (that’s Halloween to us). Jenny had brought me here as a mini-vacation, and even let me have a free hand in designing our costumes. We were a robo-couple, and I have to say I had the most gorgeous robot in fairyland on my arm.

When we got there the party was in full swing; apparently it had started almost a week before. Jenny, my wood-sprite exchange student girlfriend, introduced me to dozens of the people she’d grown up with. I hoped there wouldn’t be a test later. But I did notice one strange thing.

“Jenny, why are there so few guys here? It’s almost all girls.”

“Girls outnumber boys about 40 to one in fairyland. Boys have to be promiscuous, especially since only a few girls like me understand normality enough to get a human boyfriend. The competition’s pretty fierce.”

That explained why all her friends greeted me with hugs and kisses, and why Jenny stayed closer to me than my left arm.

* * *

A while later, Jenny suddenly went quiet and pulled even closer to me than the slow dance we were doing merited. She looked terrified.

Darth Satyr was striding purposefully across the dance floor, bee-lining it for Jenny. He had the black helmet, chestplate and cape, but the goat legs and obvious masculinity told me his intentions. As he passed, the crowd parted and turned to watch. When he arrived he took Jenny by the shoulder and turned her to face him.

“Jennifer! I hoped you could come! You’re forty-nine now, and for a wood sprite that means ‘legal’.”

Jenny was shaking as she held my hand in a death grip. “Lord Pan, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Tim.”

“I’m sure I don’t care. Now come dance with me, my lovely. I’ve been waiting a long time for this.”

It didn’t take a Ph.D. in biology to see where things were going. I thought of running with her, but that would be stupid. I wracked my brains; Jenny’d had me studying all manner of fantasy creatures, even Greek gods. There was only one thing I could do.

“Let go of her, Pan. She doesn’t want you.”

“Try and stop me, mortal.”

He looked at me and I could sense his eyes narrowing even through the mask.

“I challenge you to a contest, Pan.”

He stopped tugging. “Go on.”

“The first one to kiss Jenny stays with her.”

“Deal.” He immediately snatched her away from me.

That’s when I activated The Surprise. I’d intended to use it later as a cute stunt, but it was needed now. Jenny flew out of his arms and slammed into me, her chest and thighs impacting mine with a jarring metallic clang. My lips found hers while everyone, including Jenny, was staring in astonishment.

Pan growled incoherently at me, but kept his side of the bargain. He left without a recognizable word.

When we came up for air, Jenny looked stern. “That was very dangerous, Tim.”

“You’re worth it.”

“Um, why are we stuck together like this?”

“Powerful electromagnets. It was supposed to be a romantic surprise.”

She blushed. “Mission accomplished, lover-boy.”

The Never-Ending Dream - Jenny

Writer's Digest post

At an old bookstore, you find a book that helps you interpret your dreams. But something is strange about it. You fall asleep reading the book, and find yourself in a dream that you cannot wake up from. What is it? And how will you snap back to reality?

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I used the key she’d given me to get into Jenny’s room. The campus cops were gone, so now I could investigate. Girls like her don’t just suddenly lapse into a coma.

The room looked normal: tidy with chaos around the edges. The only unusual thing was a book lying on her bed. Jenny hated reading in bed. The title was “The Eidolon”. I flipped through it. At first it was standard printed text, but the font morphed to handwritten script as I scanned further. I’d known Jenny long enough to understand that that meant magic. The last words were “come stay with us”.

I’d been forbidden to see Jenny in the Infirmary. She was in a coma and they wouldn’t let some geek who claimed to be her boyfriend in. But I knew now that it wasn’t a coma, and it would take magic to wake her. I only had one idea, and it required me to get close. Really close.

Science wasn’t up to the task, at least nothing I knew, so I would have to try magic. Jenny had been teaching me The Rules since we started dating, and I hoped I understood enough. I took a tiny pinch of Jenny dust – enough to transform me into her for a couple of hours. Now I needed something to make me look different.

Jenny had told there’s power in names and I hoped she’d been right. She had a plastic bottle of baby powder. Jenny loved the scent, and rubbing it on her back was the closest we’d got to – other things. I mixed a few grains of powder with the Jenny dust, then touched the dust to my tongue.

Everything except my shirt fell off. I uncovered Jenny’s mirror (she kept it covered for magical reasons) and the effect was perfect; I was Jenny, but a 14-year old Jenny. A quick rummage of her closet turned up a short green dress that almost fit. It would have to do.

Getting into the infirmary was child’s play – literally. The gestapo nurse accepted that I was Jenny’s little sister Tammy, and soon I was by her bed. I kissed her; that was how you woke somebody magically. I hoped.

I could tell something was wrong; it took me a moment to realize that I’d missed her mouth. Right. Jenny is normally nine inches tall. Luckily she had told me where her center was – right where her heart was in big form. I leaned over and kissed her chest, acutely aware of how perverted it looked.

Her eyes fluttered open. “Tim?”

“It’s me.”

“Then you…?”

I nodded. “The kiss of someone who truly loves you.”

Tears of joy formed in her eyes. “I hoped… I prayed…Oh, Tim!” She all but fell out of bed kissing me – lips to lips this time.

A playful smile crossed her face. “When you change back, I want you to rub me with baby powder – all over.”

I am the luckiest man alive.

Don't Delete Chain Mail

Writer's Digest post

You delete a chain email that says if you don’t forward it to ten people, you will have bad luck for ten years. On your way out of the office, a black cat passes you. Then you find a parking ticket on your car. And, to top it off, your car won’t start. Was it actually the email? Write your response to the bad luck, as well as other ensuing events that make you wonder about hitting the delete button.

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I awoke on the pavement as a piano crescendo faded in my ears. Three Jennies were staring down at me as they slowly merged into one.

“Timimaryouokayayay?”

I shook my head a couple of times. “Jenny?”

“Are you okay, Tim? A piano fell on your car.”

“A piano?”

“Yeah, they were moving it to the second floor of the Arts building and the crane let go. I think you were knocked back.”

I looked at my car, now a Baby Grand Smart. The parking ticket still flapped under the one remaining windshield wiper. I tried to remember what brought me to the parking lot.

“There was a bottle of Aspirin in my car. I tripped over Inky.”

“Mrs. Grundy’s cat?” I nodded. “Let’s go back to my room.”

She helped me up and we made our way across campus to her dorm. Along the way I tripped over my loose shoelace and fell face-first into a slab of cake being moved between buildings. When I stood up some workmen went by with a ladder, which I hit my head on. As we got inside I heard a boom behind me.

Jenny looked back. “Small plane crash. The world has really got it in for you today, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess. What’s going on?”

“Well, let’s see. It’s Friday the thirteenth and there’s a full moon tonight. Did you do anything else unlucky?”

“No. Oh wait, I deleted that chain letter.”

“You deleted a chain letter on a paranormal nexus day? Ouch!”

Jennifer Nelson was my girlfriend, a foreign exchange student from fairyland. She was a wood sprite who used magic to assume human form, and she knew about this magical crap, so I trusted her. When we got to her room she took out my laptop while I collapsed.

“We’re in luck! It’s in your Deleted Items. Okay, one, two, three, … , twelve! Oh no, you’re the thirteenth link in the chain. This is really bad. You’re going to have to send it on.”

“But I don’t forward chain letters.”

“You’d better forward this one. It says ten years’ bad luck! Look what it’s done the first day!”

The fire alarm went off and the sprinklers activated in her room. She took out an umbrella and held it over the laptop.

“Come on, Tim. You have to send it, not me. Otherwise the luck doesn’t break.”

I picked ten names from my contacts list – people I didn’t particularly like. I made sure Steve, my lab partner, was one of them. Admittedly his dumbass stunt in chem lab had introduced me to Jenny, but other than that he was a total screwup. When I hit ‘send’ nothing happened.

“What’s wrong with this thing?”

“I think you have to apologize for deleting it.”

“Apologize? To an e-mail?”

“Just do it, Tim.”

I felt like an idiot. “I’m sorry for deleting you, chain letter. Please let me send you on.”

The message went into my outbox. At last it was over.