You are trying to read the morning newspaper when your cat begins pawing at your leg. You brush it away, but it jumps on the table and begins meowing. Finally, the cat speaks. What does she say? Write this scene and what she is trying to tell you.

* * *

I was reading the paper on Sunday when Spot, my striped tabby, jumped right onto the part I was reading. I had to scold him.

“This is not the time to play, Spot. I’m reading!”

Spot looked me right in the eye and said, “Puis-je vous parler, monsieur?”

Totally unintelligible. “What was that? Are you talking, Spot? Like, people talk?”

“Oui monsieur. J’ai appris à parler dans le canal français. ”

“Huh? I don’t get it.”

He spoke slowly, like he thought I was some kind of idiot. “Je peux parler français.”

“Damn, I wish cats could talk people talk. That would be so handy. Then you could just tell me what you’re trying to say.”

Spot stood gave me that cat-attitude sniff and walked into the kitchen, muttering to himself as he went. “Les humains sont des crétins.”