2013

Garfield in Real Life - Kitty Confession

You are trying to read the morning newspaper when your cat begins pawing at your leg. You brush it away, but it jumps on the table and begins meowing. Finally, the cat speaks. What does she say? Write this scene and what she is trying to tell you.

Writer's Digest prompt

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Tiger pawed the top of the paper so he could look over it. “Ted?”

My eyes went wide. “Tiger? You can talk?”

“I listen to you do it enough, why shouldn’t I? I’m just lucky to get a word in edgewise.”

“But cats can’t talk. You’re not physically capable!”

“You tell that to the vet, then I’ll say my piece, and we’ll see who he believes.”

“Point taken. Okay, Tiger, you can talk. Why now? What have you got to say?”

“I’m gay.”

“What? Cats can’t …” I stopped there, considering how the last conversation had gone.

“Yes we can. Scientists say it’s a dominance thing, but I know several toms whose barbs point the other way, if you get my drift. And Anastasia from a couple of floors up definitely prefers the attention of queens.”

I thought for a moment. “Why are you telling me this? Did something happen that I’m going to hear about?”

Tiger stared at me intently. “I needed to know what your reaction would be. You’re actually taking it remarkably well.”

“I guess so. But I’m still taking you to the vet next week to get neutered.”

“About that. I would really have preferred to have been consulted.”

“I didn’t know you could talk.”

“Of course I can talk. All cats can talk.”

“Then why hasn’t anybody said anything about it?”

“We can talk. We choose not to. At least, not to humans. If humans generally knew that cats understood them, we wouldn’t hear half the things we do. And there’d be a lot more plastic bags and exhaust pipes involved.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. So you’re gay. Are there any male cats you’re likely to bring ‘round here?”

“No. In fact, I admit I was lying to you. I’m not really gay.”

“Then why did you say you were?”

“I needed to test your reaction. See if you were open-minded.”

“Open-minded? What’s this about, Tiger?”

“You know Molly, that Bichon Frise down on three? Those aren’t exactly puppies she’s gravid with.”